You know it's a slow day in the UK when they make news about this...

See news story here.

But really though, I enjoyed watching Posh do her thing in her itty-bitties. She's so weird looking, like a deranged Barbie doll. But to land a man like Beckham, holy hell.

Books books books books...

For the longest time, my dad tried his damnest to get me to pick up a book and read. He would bring books home, suggest them on a regular basis, make trips to the library with me in hand and would harass me about how much I'm missing out.

Well. I have found some books I absolutely loved and now am sharing them with you:

The Washingtonienne - Jessica Cutler
Not only is this book the raciest I've read (besides those blasted porn mags my ex used to "hide" from me), it is one of the funniest. It's also true - the part I love. RIght now, her life is caught up in the media and the supreme courts in the States. You'll have to find out why here...

Bitter is the New Black - Jen Lancaster
Holy heck is this chick the single most hilarious reader - ever. She is so, me. She goes from the top of the executive food chain, to living in a dump in the ghetto. Holy hell though is she funny.

The Devil Wears Prada - Lauren Weisberger
Ok so I had to read it because every other girl my age has read it. Again, funny - but not as funny as some of the other reads. Classic though. I bought her second novel, and almost fear the same writing. Ok, maybe it's good - but it goes into way too much detail where it's not needed.

Waiting patiently for....
- Jen Lancasters new book - "Bright Lights, Big Ass"
- Jessica Cutlers new book
- Stephanie Kleins first book
- and to begin reading Karyn Bosniak's biography "Save Karyn" and her first novel "Twenty Times a Lady"

I'm baaaAAaaaaaaccckkkkk.

Alright so I took a bit of a sabbatical for oh, a little while. I needed it I guess. I was lacking in the originality department, was stressing out because I had to find new digs and I wasn't sure he was the one. Well, (how many months later?) I am happy to say that things have settled back down. Pfeuf.

Work is still border-line lame-o and I'm still struggling to get out of my comfy bed every morning. Boys are still confusing the shit out of me and I am still living paycheck to paycheck, but isn't everyone?

Anyways, hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things and keep this thing updated on a regular basis.

What a nice brother.

My siblings would tell me to fuck off and die before they did something this nice and thoughtful.

Almost Thursday.

I never understand why they call Wednesday's "Hump Day". The only thing that comes to mind is maybe that people are horny in the middle of the week and need their fix... Ok but then again, I have a dirty mind.

Off to the zoo this weekend. Pretty excited about hanging out with some screaming kids and unactive animals pacing in their small cages. Can't wait.

I have to water my bamboo plant.

An early Monday afternoon.

I bought sodium free tuna this weekend and holy crap did it suck. Apparently the sodium makes it taste good. Damn. So much for cutting back on my salt intake...

Have you ever stood in front of your closet doors, throwing every shirt/pants/skirt/sweater on your bed/floor until you finally find the right ensemble for the day? Welcome to my morning - every morning. What sucks is that I have the same clothes and have for the past couple of years. I might add the occasional random piece of something from a high end store on recommendation from the quirky size .5 saleschick but in the end, my wardrobe is still something of a gross sham. Oh how I need new clothes. On that note...

I can't wait to wear my Nine West sandals again. I stare at them each morning before putting my real shoes on (the tall Hush Puppy boots which are scuffed to the nines) fantasizing about the next time I get to wear them. How silly is that, I have quick love affairs with my shoes every morning.

Living in his afterglow.

I never thought of my exboyfriend as someone who I would openly have a discussion with regarding my new relationships. For whatever reason, I thought he would just vanish; get on a place and be gone. Well. As I am finding out, that just isn't the case. He's still here and more involved in my life than when we were together for two years.

D and I talk about everything now. Talk about how sex is with my new beau, how living together was, how his girlfriend is so much different than me in every way, talking about how things could have been if we were more patient. It's great.

Finally fabulous Friday.

In a rather odd twist of events, I have taken to reading. Odd - especially for those who know you: I have the attention span of a goldfish. The book I'm reading, erm, enjoying - LOVING right now is called "Bitter is the New Black - Confessions of a condescending, egomaniacal, self-centered Smart-ass, or why you should never carry a Prada Bag to the unemployment office" by fellow blogger, Jen Lancaster. Seriously I don't think I have laughed so hard while reading a book. Why? Because every word she speaks is how I think. It's marvelous. I need the balls, erm, clit like her.

It's Friday - finally. I'm counting down until I get to see him. I am actually really looking forward to seeing him more and more every day. Could this be love? Or am I delusional?

Back to work. Gotta pull up my bra straps for another 3 hours at the desk.

Thursday afternoon and my little fishy friend.

My fish is floating in his bowl staring at me. I put my finger up to the side of his home and his scary fins come out as if he's about to attack. Funny little bugger. Man it would suck to be that not-threatening no matter how hard you try.

The best part of today is knowing that tomorrow is Friday and then it's... THE WEEKEND! I wait for this day all week and now. Finally. The wait is coming to a close and I am able to sleep in 'til noon for two whole days. I don't know how I'll manage.

I was asked if I wanted to be the date of my manager for a work awards night on Saturday. Erm. I have to think hard about this one: drinking Pina Coladas drowning in Malibu Rum with him OR schmoozing with the city's hottest industry people. Pina Coladas are awfully good and they sure don't give you their business card when you talk to them... tough decision.

Yes please.

Why yes! Yes I would love one of these. Thank you for thinking of me.

It's only Wednesday.

Something about today doesn't feel right. Maybe it's just that the little hand on the clock seems to be going backwards instead of forwards. Or maybe it's the itsy tummy ache I have going on. OR maybe it's the incredible blisters on my feet from the 3 hour walk yesterday. Well whatever it is, I don't like it.

So he managed to tangle himself up in the park at COP the other day and really badly bruise his side. It's kinda cute in a pathetic way actually. He's all helpless and pouty. I'm a sucker for that.

I have completely forgotten about TR and have managed to stay focused on him now. I was laying in bed and just before I dozed off to sleep, I was thinking about the epic journey I took last year and how I found him. I'll have to share the story - it is rather cute.

Alright. Back to doing... nothing.

Sexy cuffs n' stuff.

Are these not gorgeous? I wonder if he would want to use these... These are hot too actually. But I know he's a fan of these colours...

Just need to clear up some room on the ol' Visa and go shoppin'.

Modesty comes second.

I told him tonite that he was awfully lucky to be living in such a prime location and not have to pay for anything. He looked at me and said, "yah, I know". While I budget and cut and balance my financial life, his place is paid for. I wish I was that lucky somedays.

In an odd twist of character, he noticed that I changed my eye shadow from a very light brown to sea green. Very odd of him to notice actually. I didn't think he noticed how I wore my eyes. I wonder what else he notices...

Oh to have super model strength.

Haven't heard from TR, Big, fuck - whatever you want to call my mystery guy so I am wondering if it's just not meant to be. Maybe, he realized his hotness and ability to pick up super SUPER models and went that route.

Sigh. I'll just have to stick it out with my guy. He has his days. I just wish he had more of them...

Monday. Again.

I really don't want to smell the neighbors curry dish or know that the upstairs tenants are having loud raunchy sex. I don't want to catch a spider in my shower or hear a mouse between the walls. BUT apparently that 's too much to ask for in this bustling town of a million.

Ok so maybe I have only actually left two messages today, spoken with 3 property managers and sent one email - BUT really. Isn't it easier? Maybe just the movies make it sound super easy. Damn Hollywood and their lies!

I have spent all morning looking through webpages and the classified ads in the Calgary Herald, circling, printing and calling, potential homes. I haven't actually done any work. I almost feel bad but then know that my manager is doing less at her desk.

After a rather cranky day yesterdayand being told that the place I am looking at are too expensive, I almost told him to shove it last night. For whatever reason he thinks he has the right to tell me that places are too expensive. I don't think he realizes that he would be in the same boat if it wasn't for the fact his dad bought his condo which gives him the chance to live rent free. That might be rude to bring up, you think?

Heave-ho.

Today, I am searching for a place to live. I can't any longer live with mommy and daddy so I need to find myself a new home. It's not as easy as one would think, well, at least I thought.

I circled a few ads in the classifieds and called two - both of which already sold. And then there is the one which I am off to see this afternoon. $700 a month seems a little high - but then again, I am used to spending nothing on rent with my parents.

I thought this was a nice condo - but unfortunately it's $429,000 to purchase, and not $500 to rent. If ya'll know of any cheap but nice (see above picture) places to live - do let me know. I would prefer underground heated parking. You know how these Canadian winters get...

Sunday.

So it wasn't even 9 a.m. and already, he was up and huffing and moving around like he was caught in the bedsheets. He got up and came back about 15 minutes later and said "I'm going to work, come pick me up when you want me to help you with dinner". Excuse me? Oh I don't think so. So I protested - although silently. Heh. This tactic, the "silent hissy-fit" works ideal with him. He then knows I'm ticked.

He had a shower, came back and said "are you mad?" I wasn't mad. I was ticked. It's the wee early hours of the morning and we were suppose to finish the Matrix and eat Honeycomb. He got dressed and was just about to leave when I arrive at the door with my stuff, no make-up, hair not even brushed and I said "I'll see you later".

Ok so maybe it was really bitchy but really - work? On a Sunday? I think it was a ploy to just play computer games with the other nerds. Fuck. Ok so maybe I'm the bitchy one for being selfish and wanting a little extra morning moaning time. Or maybe he's in the wrong. (I would like the latter...)

Thursday.

Only Thursday. Goddamnit by now I thought for sure it would be next month. But no. It's only the beginning of March. I need work. I need more to do.

I finally heard back from Biggie and he's game - just not tonite. He asked for a rain check for another time. I said "I look forward to it". More like, "I look forward to staring into your handsome eyes and watching what is going on inside your head". I need to get out.

When my co-worker sneezes, each person in my office says "Bless you". I am the only person who says "Good God WTF was that?" Heh. It honestly sounds abnormal - almost as if her stomach was about to explode and come out her ears. Entertaining though.

A short plug for a new/has-been band.

I was flipping through the lame excuses for radio stations in Calgary today and came across a song that has been in my head ever since and well, I thought I would share it with you as it has been on repeat for a while now on my iPod.

It's called Afterglow and it's by INXS. The band has this lame-o new lead man from eastern Canada... but this song is hot. And I mean hot. So hot that I should fall asleep tonite with it on. Ok now I'm lame.

Wednesday.

This is rather scandalous I must admit. The man I wish to have a secret hot love affair with still hasn't contacted me after my lame-o email yesterday. Ok so maybe it has just touched the 24 hour mark since I contacted him but still - c'mon!

Another ho-hum day. I need some spice. I need something fun to happen. Maybe my real boyfriend will send me flowers or bring me lunch. Haha. Or not. Maybe he'll just hope that I pony up and pay for everything when the time comes and that I'll buy him lunch and buy him flowers. Ha. Right.

C'mon secret affair dude - contact moi!

Vibrating rings mean game on.

I keep hinting at him that maybe we should get one of these to spice things up a little. Heck. I might even enjoy sex if I see something in it for me such as.... an orgasm?! Yyyyyyes. Unfortunately, he never really seems that into trying something new.

Sigh.

I need to grow some balls.

It took me everything not to call him as I just so happened to be driving by his house. What? I was actually in the neighborhood tonite - damnit I should have done it. I am such a chicken shit.

Little Miss freaked out at me this afternoon after I told her I sent him an email; I gave her a little more detailed email, erm, lusty email, than the one I actually sent him. Something about hot dogs and how I didn't like the Tubby Dogs down on 17th. Sigh. I really should have done the lusty one, shouldn't I? Fuck.

Tuesday.

Well counting carbs is stupid so I'm not going to do that anymore. I went for a walk after work yesterday but didn't find it all that intense. I think I need a Bow-Flex. Have you seen those commercials? Those people look SO ripped in them. I want to look just like that - and with the help of a Bow-Flex, I can accomplish my dreams. That's what the commercial says...

Another ho-hum day. It's given me a lot to think about, such as: I wish I had an office with a window, I wish I could find better music, why do I have an 'innie' belly button when my brother has an 'outtie', and the list continues.

Time needs to go by quicker.

C'mon.

If this is what is actually going to be the cool outfit selection for the Spring, I'm hibernating until the Fall.

I shouldn't be, but, I am.

Waiting for his phone call or email or carrier pigeon to ask me out on our "date". First, a lunch meeting then the "date". I'll admit I'm excited. Lustful maybe?

I don't want to call him just in case he thinks I'm being too forward. I am pretty forward actually - in my lustful fantasies that is (yes, thank you Ms. Muffet). Pushing him up against the wall and exclaiming in my damsel in distress voice - "Take me! Take me now!" He might laugh at me, just as I would. But hey - it might set the mood.

Monday.

There is nothing worse than waiting for the last couple of minutes to pass in the work day. The little hand almost seems to go backward - not forward. Maybe it's a sign: I need a new job.

I decided today to figure out how many calories I take in while I am sitting on my fat arse at work for 8 hours. So far I think I have eaten about 684 calories and my daily intake is 1966. I think I might be able to keep it down. Unless, I go out for dinner. Mmm greek would be great. There is this great hidden gem in CowTown called Mannies. I swear it's run by the Greek mob but wow - the souvlaki is to die for. Ahhh but the hips are saying no!

Being me is never a dull moment.

I woke up this morning on my right side facing the wall. I stared at the wall a little bit and began thinking innocent thoughts, (innocent thoughts read: dirty thoughts) about Big and I. Well. Well. Well. I was all excited only to hear a slight snore coming from my other side. Ha. For a minute or three I had actually forgotten that I was in the presence of my boyfriend. Probably not a good thing to forget.

I enjoy the way B talks and pushes the hair from his face when it's in the way. I like that I think about him all the time and wonder what he's doing. On the negative side, I don't know how this is going to end up. I don't want to hurt anyone but have this horrible feeling that someone is going to get sacked harshly. With my luck, that person will be me.

Creativity was never my stong suit.

Calling him Mr. Big would be very Carrie Bradshaw of me, but for whatever reason the name seems to fit. From now on TR is Mr. Big.

Big is taller than me, dark curly hair and has eyes to die for. He's like the musician who won the coveted postion of "repeat" on my car stereo. Just can't get enough of him.

Again though, waiting for him to call. Supposidly a business meeting after work - I'm calling his bluff. Why can I not help but think that he's out for beers with the boys? Not that I have an issue with this - it's just that - he asked me out first.

Only a couple days until next week rolls around. And only a couple days until Big takes me for lunch.

I said run.

So everyone keeps telling me to ditch him. Easy for everyone to say, naturally. Everyone else see's my situation in black and white - where as I see it in a grayish colour.

My lunch date with TR next week should be interesting. Who knows, maybe my ass will be up against some cold brick wall. Or, maybe he'll stare at me deep in my eyes and tell me I am the only one for him. Sigh. I live in a dream world. It's fun sometimes though, no?

I like to pinch.

In either a moment of weakness, horniness or loneliness, I called TR tonite. All I wanted was a simple apple cider date. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending how you see it, I got his voicemail. He called me about an hour later and politely declined due to the weather which was nice of him; driving conditions do suck. He then asked me about lunch next week. Well ok. And a date?

And then he had to say the date word. I don't mind hanging out because then I pretend it's not a date, rather just a get together with a friend. Now, however, a date has pushed it into dangerous territory. Politely declining would have been the better idea - however lunch sounded grand. We'll see how that goes.

Supposidly, good things come to those who wait. Well, I'm a-waiting...

In a quasi romantic sit-down dinner with him, I casually looked around and noticed an old fling working in the kitchen. Well shit, I thought. My food for sure will have poison in it and this will be the last meal of my life. Oddly enough, I woke up this morning and felt fine. Just a little hungry.

We talked about moving in again last night. He asked me when I can hold out until, I said I didn't know. I could probably hold out until May. Sigh. It just seems like such a long time from now and I really don't understand why I have to wait longer.

Hoping and a prayin' for a fantasy tonite.

TR called. Why?! Oh I was hoping he would be heartbroken over the whole thing and decide not to call or email or anything and then I would never even know what he thought about my 2 paragraph email and one, two voicemails. He said it was fine. That I can call him whenever I want - coffee, hang out, something else.

Oh I know what that something else is to. He wants me to have raunchy sex with him in his new condo. Oh, and if he only knew how much I wanted to do that too.

Chills.

Little Miss asked me what was not right about TR. Well. I couldn't think of a thing. God I wish I was calling him asking him which he prefers: handcuffs or rope - instead of the break-up routine.

He was like a rare fish, one that swims by only once in a blue moon. And what is my problem? Right. I'm taken.

She said that I need to know that a little safe flirting action is a-ok. Well. I sure know now. Can't wait for those fantasy dreams she slyly mentioned...

The right thing isn't always the best thing.

Ok I ended the one time affair with Mr. Handsome. I emailed him and then called him, just in case he didn't get the email. Now hopefully he gets the voicemail on his answering machine at his house. I can't remember the last time I had to break-up with someone. I always remember being the one who people break up with. Damn.

Not sure what's going to happen now. Maybe he'll still talk to me. I think of him as Mr. Spectacular - Mr.Would-Never-Talk-To-Me-If-We-Were-Still-In-High-School. Tall. Rugged. Handsome as hell. He's the hottie who would walk past me but now has taken a notice in me and what am I doing? I'm hanging with the guy who spends his time in the computer lab playing star war-esque games at lunch.

Nerds get places in life, don't they?

Reason number 8,492.

I am trying to get out of going out with TR tonite. I should have the balls to just call him and say "yah so I can't come out and play - I actually have a boyfriend and well... I kinda like him so... click" but no. I can't. The time keeps itchin closer to the time when we're suppose to go out and I still haven't layed down the excuse. This is retarded.

One minute I want to jump his bones, the next minute I am scared for my life - fearing that he will find out. OR that I'll cave in and spill it and that just wouldn't be a good situation.

And then there were two.

Who would have thought that the whole moving in together would be such a difficult thing. I want it now. He wants to wait two more months. Sure sure, he wants to be sure it will work out and stuff... I just want it now. NOW. And if not with him, then who? Where? Oh what is a girl to do?

I always thought that the girls were the ones who took their time... apparently not. Maybe I'm just fiesty or maybe just maybe it's because he dangled the carrot in front of me a while back and now seems to be taking it back. I can't afford a place in the big city. He's my ticket. And don't get me wrong - I'm taking this seriously too. I've thought about it. Lots in fact. It's been a year - what else am I to think about?

My flawed design.

I don't know a single person who works on a Friday. Sure, they might go into their office, turn on their computer and send a couple emails, but really - let's be honest here. Friday is all about looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday and Sunday.

I try my hardest not to munch on stuff while sitting at my desk - primarily because I am afraid of my ass molding to the chair more so than it is now. I just can't help it though. Nothing stops me. Nothing tells me to get up and run a lap around the office. Sigh. Motivation is what I need. Maybe I should work on that.

I have cheated on more than one boyfriend.

I guess the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" stands true. Damn. I was hoping it was just a bad line some Dr. Phil wannabe made up one day. Somehow I have to wean myself out of that bad habit. And I was doing so well... 10 months... shit.

One time, I knew I was being cheated on. I couldn't do much because he was in a different country and answered his text messages with one word only - but still. I wasn't as heartbroken as I should have been. Obviously it was because I was enjoying random rendezvous too. I met a couple guys in that time period. Slept with a couple and even took in a threesome. Crazy to think about now actually - but it was quite the adventure to say the least.

So why have I cheated before? Maybe because I was tempted. I was tempted by that juicy red apple hanging there oh-so content on the tree. I just had to bite into it to make sure it was as tasty as it looked. One thing led to another and I had forgotten all about the banana I was eating earlier.

He's great though. I really do love him. I hope.

Pretty tired of the sore boobs.

Actually - I am so tired of them that I am contemplating having them removed. Although he has protested me doing such a thing - I think it might do me some good. Lose the boobs, (at least 3 cup sizes) and then losing the little bakery around my tummy and I'm set. I'll be ready to look delightful for summer.

Stupid skinny bitches. Never understood how they do it - all skinny and stuff. It must get tired eating celery sticks and puking afterwards. I'm more for the chocolate Teddy Grahams and Mango Mambos.

Is it wrong that I file my nails while sitting in the comfort of my office?

I try to keep that scratching noise to a minimum so no one will hear me. I also try to keep it quasi-secret from those who pass by the department. The only thing I have to watch out for is when people get up from their desk to come into my sanctuary; I can't always hear them coming so I usually have to stop doing whatever I am doing... it's not always work related. Tee hee.

It's been quiet today. I was surprised with an email from him. Although, not surprised by the contents of the email: a link to a geek site. Sigh. Maybe one day he'll send one that says "Love you Snookums". Or not.

Maybe I should get some coffee. Ooh it's almost lunch. Highlight of my day.

Inexcusable I guess.

Tonite wasn't happening which was fine. He left me a message saying not to sweat canceling on him as he had tons to do. I didn't have the balls to say "I had a boyfriend and I can't continue with this affair any longer..." so I told him I had to work unexpectedly. Lies. The things I do to make myself feel good for a nanosecond. Next Tuesday it is. After 9. Wonder what my excuse will be this time.

He was extra snuggly tonite. Kept kissing me, rubbing my leg, holding my hand, occasionally just watch me. I snoozed a little on the couch but could feel him watching me. I opened my eye and caught him just as he closed his eyes. I wonder if every girl feels like this. If they wonder if who they're dating is the right one and if not, how do you know? Naturally there are things that drive me batty about him but then there are things I about him I don't know if I could go without.

All important things I guess.

Oooh you're on fire. Stop. Drop. Roll.

TR wanted to go out tonite. Maybe dinner, most likely a movie. At first I was hesitant only because of S. Right now though, while waiting for the phone call that should have arrived 21 minutes ago, I wish I made an excuse to go with TR. He's been on my mind.

He was good to me for Valentines Day. Bought me a fancy little iPod (something I have wanted for a while actually) and we christened the day with a 7 minute sex session. I wondered what TR would have done. Anything? He didn't send me an email. Actually - I sent him an email saying Happy V Day. Naturally.

The call came 25 minutes late. I can't stand it when people aren't punctual.

Told you I was a bitch.

Shoes are the way to my heart.

I don't know a woman who doesn't enjoy shoes. Ok maybe I do but they're weird and I don't talk to them much. The key to a good pair, excuse me, great pair of shoes is what goes with them. If wearing pants, they must be long enough and have the right flare. If a skirt, the shoes must show off your calves (that is, if you have delightfully fit ones - if you don't, don't put your leg into a shoe that just isn't flattering - please?!).

I'd like a new pair actually. Rephrase, I need a new pair.

Oh to have a window with a view.

Sometimes when we're sleeping, he gets up to go to the bathroom and when he comes back, his arms are wrapped around me. On one hand it's adorable. I fall in love. On the other hand, fuck. I just don't understand what it is that keeps him coming back for more. I'm a bitch. I know I am.

I'm a possessive bitch actually. It wigs me out when other plans are made with the guys. What am I suppose to do? Hang out with my 'girl' friends? Hardly. I have maybe one. Ok two.

He came without warning.

TR has showed great interest in me which feels strange. Good, but strange. He's taller than I am by about a full foot, a courageous writer at heart (and a sure-fire way to win my heart), proud new owner of a swanky riverside bachelor pad and able to take the wind right out of you with a single smooch. Goodness gracious.

There is something about being preyed upon while you're with another man. Something almost sexy about it. I read too much. Sigh.

A fine pair of shoes, a vib and a little lube.

There is nothing worse than waiting for your period. You know you're going to get it because there is no fucking way that you could be pregnant.

Especially not with the kind of sex I've been having lately. Damn. I need to get one of those dildos or something and somehow ease him into inviting the little vibrator along with us because this ain't working.

It's starting to hit me. The fact that sex is actually a larger part of one's relationship than I previously thought. I was going to hold out until I said 'I do' but quickly succumbed to 'him-pressure' and it's been a downward spiral ever since. And since then I have only been lucky enough to be the recipient of two beautiful o's from a guy. TT and DH. They both went down on me and I became a quick fan of their tongues. Since then though, it's been all me and a container of that jelly-Vaseline you find in the baby aisle at Shoppers Drug Mart.

I have a man but I have quickly come to the realization that unless he is over 30, he won't pay a single amount of attention to you until he is 30. This is a problem for my current lover. Not quite 26, more time is spent on computer games and snowboarding than on his lady. Hence the reason I obliged when TR asked me out for a drink so we could "do drinks, get tipsy and make passes at each other". Since then, I have been left with a slight colour change on my lips (due to the make-out session on his couch in his tiny one bedroom bachelor pad), a lust for being romanced like I was that evening and for a little attention I know I could rustle up if given the chance again.

Being single really isn't that bad. It usually means there's more money left over for hot shoes from Nine West. Maybe I should try it sometime.